Tuesday
30th August
I
love a good ol' Guns N' Roses controversy, and for the past couple
of days had meant to comment on Slash and Duff McKagan's latest
court showdown with W Axl Rose. Now Axl's done it for me. Slash
and Duff are suing their ex-singer for the second time in less
than two years, claiming he robbed them of $500,000 per annum
by fraudulently naming himself sole administrator of GN'R's publishing
roylties. At the end of last week, when the pair claimed: "[Axl]
is no longer willing to acknowledge the contributions of his former
partners in having created some of rock's greatest hits",
Rose responded via his lawyer, citing a "clerical error"
at his publishing complany. Does this man's skyscraper-sized ego
- let us not forget that he famously tried to explain away a cancelled
Guns N' Roses tour by suggesting that his manager had failed to
tell him about it - never allow him to take responsibility for
his actions?
Now Axl is getting mad. His attorney insists: "Rather than
pick up the telephone and contact Axl or his representatives,
his former partners filed a lawsuit that contained false statements.
Slash and Duff are looking for another opportunity to spread untruths
in an effort to hurt Axl's reputation and to alienate his fans
while at the same time creating a profile for themselves. There
is little doubt as to who was the creative catalyst behind the
group's success." Aside from the identity of GN'R's in-house
genius, the statement has at least two fundamental flaws... 1)
Since when did Axl answer the phone anymore? And 2), even if anyone
got through, is Rose still capable of rational thought?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Monday 29th August
Phew...
home after my Reading Festival jaunt. Met up with old pal Nige
Glazier, with whom I last saw Maiden there way back in 1982. Nige
reminded me that my breakfast that year consisted of an entire
jar of pickled onions - after which I drank the vinegar! Thankfully,
2005's visit to Berkshire was considerably more sedate (and fragrant).
Having picked up my pass I hit the nearest pub to follow the cricket;
great timing as England took the final Aussie wicket. 129 to win
sounded simple, but of course it didn't turn out that way. Shane
Warne had the ball turning and one England victim followed another.
Reluctantly leaving the tension behind, I went into the arena
for Iggy & The Stooges, but despite Iggy's typically eye-catching
antics - his chest was bleeding after just ten minutes! - and
the quality of songs like 'No Fun', 'TV Eye', '1969', 'Real Cool
Time', 'Dirt' and, of course, 'I Wanna Be Your Dog', my mind was
still up at Trent Bridge.
So it was back to the alehouse as Ashley Giles of all people scored
the winning runs to put England 2-1 up in the series, with just
one more Test Match to follow. Mrs L and I actually have tickets
for The Oval, so it couldn't have been set up any better. After
such nail-biting suspense, a few cold ones were inevitable.
Song-wise, Maiden stuck to the tour's usual set - delivering it
with quite awesome power. With flags fluttering in the cool night
breeze, fires buring around the arena and the headliners on top
of their game, this was a rock music experience par excellence.
Wisely, the subject of Eggfest was ignored from the stage, but
the video screens showed fan-made placards - one of which bore
the motto: $haron is a c**t. Afterwards the imbibing continued
in the Sanctuary marquee, as Rod Smallwood once again attempted
to put the word 'hospital' into hospitality. Sadly for an unusually
quiet but still contented Bruce Dickinson, as a designated driver
he was forced to stay sober. "I have got a crate of beer
in the back of the car, though," he confided before slipping
away into the night.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Sunday 28th August
Sad,
sad news to report. Voivod guitarist Piggy died of colon cancer
yesterday. Denis D'Amour was a modest but gifted French-Canadian
musician whose thrash-metal pioneering band deserved far bigger
success. Like a lot of Voivod fans, I'd only found he was sick
24 hours before and the band (who these days of course feature
former Metallica man Jason Newsted on bass) had been working on
a new album before the inoperable tumour was discovered. RIP Piggy,
you will be missed.
On a happier note, just received the expanded edition re-issue
of FM's second album, 'Tough It Out', Maiden's new double-live
'Death On The Road', and the first three Triumph albums, the latter
with sleeve essays from my good pal Mr Jerry Ewing. So I'll have
plenty to listen to en route to the Reading Festival.
That said, the other ear will be tuned to the radio, with England
in a strong position against the Aussies in the Test Match. Even
if we don't win back the Ashes, it's wonderful to read Adam Gilchrist
admitting in The Times: "England are doing to us what
we've done to other sides for years. They've shown the world that
they're a dangerous team. I don't think I've come across a bowling
attack that works so well hunting as a pack." A bottle or
two of dry white wine will be cracked open if we manage to finish
the job by teatime.
Palace also played well yesterday, Andy Johnson's two goals sending
Stoke back to the Potteries with nil points. Although Clinton
Morrison only came on for the final 15 minutes, he set up AJ's
second goal. The pair already show signs that they will go together
like Mogg and Way, Morecambe and Wise, cheese and onion and, er...
drunk and disorderly.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Friday 26th August
A
little hung over this morning, following an excellent show from
Nazareth last night. Met up with them for a few swifties beforehand,
my cheerfully merry state rendering the gig all the more enjoyable.
Dan McCafferty's voice is a complete biological impossibility
- couldn't believe it when he downed a double cognac before we
departed the hotel - and you just can't beat songs like 'Razamanaz',
'Bad Bad Boy', 'Shanghaid In Shanghai', 'Turn On Your Receiver',
'Love Hurts', 'Hair Of The Dog' (you probably know it as 'Son
Of A Bitch'), 'My White Bicycle', 'Broken Down Angel', 'This Flight
Tonight' and all the rest.
Coming home and switching on the telly, I was thrilled to see
that Palace have re-signed Clinton Morrison. Teaming him up with
AJ, the Eagles should now score goals for fun.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Thursday 25th August
It's
hard to believe that last night was my first live gig since wa-a-a-ay
back on August 3rd. As anticipated, during their 65 minutes onstage
Trivium turned the 250-capacity Barfly into an uncomfortable sweatbox,
but this was an unmissable opportunity to see a band with 'future
greatness' stamped through them like a stick of rock. Imagine
a pre-sellout Metallica jamming with Iron Maiden. Most of their
latest album 'Ascendancy' was aired (including the title track,
'Rain', 'Like Light To The Flies', 'Drowned And Turn Asunder',
'Suffocating Sight' and 'The Deceived') before Robb Flynn of Machine
Head stepped up for Sepultura's 'Roots', 'Creeping Death' by Metallica,
Pantera's 'Walk' and a karaoke version of 'The Trooper' by Iron
Maiden during which everyone present resisted the temptation to
bombard the stage with eggs. How mature of us all. But that's
what happens when you act your age and not your shoe size. [Apparently
Slipknot's Joey Jordison was scheduled to join the fun, but threw
his toys from the pram after learning his band had failed to win
anything at a magazine's awards ceremony that takes place today,
Thursday. Ah, diddums].
Intriguingly, Zakk Wylde has now addressed the subject of Eggfest.
"Although I'm a huge fan of the Iron Maiden band and their
music, I have a problem with Bruce Dickinson talking shit about
America and more personally, about the Godfather of my first-born
son," he says. Zakk's allegiance to Ozzy is a given, but
does anyone have proof of Bruce saying anything genuinely anti-American?
Yes, he spoke about the lethargy of US audiences... does that
make him racist? Yes, he waved a Union Jack around during 'The
Trooper', but he's done that since the song was released 20 years
ago. Does it make him a terrorist sympathiser? The song's about
the Crimean War for Chrissake, not Iraq. "How dare he forget
the American troops on their home turf?" bitches Sharon.
Bit of a red herring if you ask me. I want genuine evidence, and
I want it now.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Wednesday 24th August
Took
my eldest lad Eddie to last night's Cup game against Walsall.
To be honest, Palace were piss-poor despite winning 3-0, and but
for a dubious penalty decision to set the ball rolling we may
even have succumbed to a side from a division beneath us. For
all his undoubted graft and pace, Wayne Andrews couldn't hit a
cow's arse with a banjo and is arguably the worst striker to grace
Selhurst since Trevor Aylott. He must go, Dowie... right now.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Tuesday
23rd August
Maiden
manager Rod Smallwood has posted a comment on the Sharon Osbourne
incident. "The scale, viciousness and concentration of the
[missile] throwing made it obvious that this was a premeditated
and co-ordinated attack," reckons Rod. "I was immensely
proud of Maiden who showed great courage and got better and better
through the adversity. Their heads never dropped, instead they
went on the offensive. It was a truly memorable moment when Bruce
went to the very front of the stage during 'The Trooper', and
yelling 'This is a fucking British flag, and these colours don't
fucking run!' The attitude and ability of the band shone through
and made this a truly remarkable rock and roll event, even if
for all the wrong reasons." Hear hear.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Monday
22nd August
The
shit has really hit the fan following the Sharon Osbourne-Maiden
bust-up at Ozzfest. In a statement, Sharon claims that bassist
Steve Harris "personally came to Ozzy in San Bernardino and
apologized for Bruce's behaviour this summer," claiming that
"this one little man [Bruce Dickinson] tried to ruin the
Ozzfest for everyone". Her press release fails to address
the issue of which individual(s) might have tampered with the
sound, thrown eggs and various missiles and chanted "Ozzy,
Ozzy, Ozzy" over the PA. To their credit, Iron Maiden have
thus far declined to comment, save for describing the incident
as "a rather bizarre end to a good tour" on their website.
I prefer the verdict of an anonymous band manager (not Maiden's
Rod Smallwoood) who since posted a lengthy eyewitness account,
summing things up with the statement: "The Osbournes are
drunk with power. Shame on them, and shame on ANY of the bands
that participated in the terrorizing and intimidation."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Sunday 21st August - part deux
P.S.
It's mid-afternoon and I'm learning of an astonishing bust-up
between Iron Maiden and Sharon Osbourne at last night's Ozzfest
date in San Bernadino - Maiden's last scheduled stop on the tour
before flying home for the Reading and Leeds Festivals. According
to eyewitness accounts, the plug was pulled on Maiden several
times during their 'special guest' set, while a section of the
crowd that may have included a disguised Kelly Osbourne further
attempted to provoke them by pelting the stage with eggs. After
Maiden departed, Sharon told the audience: "Bruce Dickinson
is a prick" - to boos and a reported mass exodus of fans
from the arena. This is a truly astonishing and highly unprofessional
development that almost beggars belief. I salute Maiden for completing
their set amid some of the most childish and spoilt-brat behaviour
in rock 'n' roll history. It sounds suspiciously like a tragic
case of somebody believing their own publicity machine. If there
is a justifiable explanation - and it's difficult to believe that
there could be - I look forward to hearing it. This a story that
will run and run.
_
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Sunday 21st August
Just
been on the excellent metal news site Blabbermouth
where a funny interview with Iron
Maiden's singer has been posted. Titled 'The World According to
Bruce Dickinson', it tackles many misconceptions in the frontman's
life. Bruce acknowledges that Maiden travel round in a private
jet, but reveals: "I'm still catching the bus with my Travelcard
and then taking the Tube to the airport to get to that private
jet." The funniest bit concerns the group's highly-defined
sound. "You'll never see an outside songwriter writing for
Iron Maiden," swears Bruce. "I suppose we could give
Robbie Williams' ex-songwriter Guy Chambers a call. But he's probably
busy writing for Metallica..." Miaaoowww - but so true!
Oh yes, I finally finished the hugely enjoyable book Queen: The
Early Years. In microscopic detail, it tells the band's story
right up to their chart success with 'Bohemian Rhapody'. We learn
that Brian May, like most academics, is prone to forgetfulness,
often leaving behind his jacket in the most unlikeliest of places
and even on one memorable occasion neglecting to bring his guitar
to an early show. It's the kind of trivia that I can't get enough
of. I also laughed aloud at the revelation that Roger Taylor and
Freddie Mercury rigged up a periscope at their legendary Kensington
Market stall, in order to spy on an adjacent ladies' changing
room. That's real initiative.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Saturday 20th August
Just
got in from the match. How amusing. Palace win with a goal from
a (long-haired) ex-Scumwall player, just as his ex-teamates have
to pick the ball out of the net five times against Reading (co-incidentally
managed by ex-Palace hero Steve Coppell). Enjoy it while you can,
Mr Ling. Conscience speaking: Palace were bloody atrocious this
afternooon. There's no way we'll be promoted if we keep playing
as bollox as this. But... bloody Scumwall... ha! ha!... and look
at the team one place above 'em... Broken & Homeless Albion...
you've gotta laff...
P.S.
Happy birthday Kayleigh. Hope your Palace genes are having a laugh
at those Scumwall-saddo relatives!!!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Thursday 18th August
Oh,
the shame. Last night England's footballers (and I use the term loosely)
succumbed to a 4-1 thrashing from Denmark - the nation's biggest defeat
in a quarter of a century. Thankfully it was only a friendly, the
team plagued by the usual nonsensical second-half substitutions. But
the scoreline didn't rile me so much as the performance. In the Sky
TV studio, Ray Wilkins picked up on England's lackadaiscal manner,
claiming that if they'd been playing in the Premier League instead
of a meaningless friendly, opponents would have been closed down or
goal-preventing tackles made. Excuse me, but what the fuck is that
all about? Have our international footballers no pride? Trying to
entice my two young lads to embrace the game, I'd spent the evening
putting up England flags all over the house, making hot-dogs and chivvying
them up to savour the match... then our prima donna dickheads just
couldn't be bothered to play. In his post-match interview, Frank Lampard's
body language was unforgiveable. Coach Sven Goran Eriksson even sheepishly
admitted the team had played as if they were still on holiday. If
you can't wear the shirt with pride at all times then don't bother,
you lazy fucking assholes.
_
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Tuesday 16th August
Gutted...
no, make that G-U-T-T-E-D. I really thought England's cricketers were
going to take a dramatic 2-1 lead in the Ashes series. In the end,
the bloody Aussies managed to bat all day in the wake of some ferocious
bowling. With nine wickets down and time rapidly running out, the
pressure was almost palpable. In the end, we just couldn't get the
final breakthrough and secure the win that our domination deserved.
Being a Palace fan, you'd expect me to take such disappointments on
the chin by now... but, no. I'm still fuming. Back to the world of
music, and I just got off the phone with Steve Harley of Cockney Rebel
and 'Make Me Smile (Come Up And See Me)' fame. What a thoroughly decent
and interesting geezer he turned out to be, our conversation touching
upon his childhood down the road in Deptford - he knew my locale of
Catford very well - and spoke of the polio that didn't quite kill
him but left a limp in his right leg. There's a rather good new album
called 'The Quality Of Mercy' in October. The first since 1979 under
the banner of Cockney Rebel, it will be promoted by a good old-fashioned
30-date UK tour (how many bands do those anymore?). I've already earmarked
the London show on December 9 as a 'do not miss' date.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Sunday
14th August
Palace
took home a point from Carrow Road after yesterday's 1-1 draw. Having
listened to the match commentary, I'm still flummoxed at how we failed
to settle a game in which The Eagles won 18 corners to Norwich's one.
That sort of domination simply has to be converted into maximum points,
or what's the bleedin' point in turning up?
_
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Saturday 13th August
It
had to happen - Ozzy Osbourne has formally announced his retirement
as Ozzfest headliner. After several cancellations on the current US
trek, during which special guests Iron Maiden have been only too happy
to close the show, Ozzy has acknowledged his declining health. "It's
time for me to move on and do other things," says a statement,
adding: "Ozzfest will carry on in 2006, however Ozzy will limit
his performances to only a few, select cities." Respect is undoubtedly
due to Ozzy for all he has achieved (musically speaking, at least),
but the shoddy, predictable nature of his most recent performances
surely made this an inevitability. Still very sad, though...
More regrettable news: Asia have replaced drummer Chris Slade - one
of the most likeable men in rock - with Jay Schellen. It's said to
be an amicable split, and Schellen's pedigree with the wonderful Unruly
Child and Chris Squire's band Conspiracy speaks for itself, but I'll
miss Slade's offstage eccentricity and powerful playing.
In between bouts of cricket - I'm praying the Aussies will have to
follow on at Old Trafford today - I'm working my way through an excellent
book called Queen: The Early Years. Author Mark Hodkinson's
research is painstaking, and within a few pages ones realises that
few punches will be pulled. "I don't recall John Deacon doing
anything, what a boring character," recalls an early aquaintance
of the bassist in the very first chapter. Must admit, I'm becoming
fascinated by the group's invisible man - who I once interviewed back
in 1983. Q Magazine's excellent Queen special had a wonderful feature
on the former electronics expert from Leicester, who besides penning
such classics as 'I Want To Break Free' and 'You're My Best Friend'
once famously declined to meet the real Queen because he "may
not have been able to think of anything interesting to say" and
lists his favourite meal as cheese on toast.
_
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Wednesday 10th August
There
must be some kind of conspiracy. On my way to interview Steve Hackett
this morning, I looked at several newspapers and they'd all printed
the Coca Cola League table upside down, with Sheffield United top
and Crystal Palace... nope, I can't even type it. CPFC suffered a
2-1 reverse at Wolves last night, shipping yet another late goal,
but at least played rather well by all accounts. Am I depressed about
it all? How could I be? A new study reveals that all redheads (which
I used to be, before setting foot in Selhurst Park and turning grey)
carry a gene that makes us less susceptible to pain. Boffins have
been testing the theory on mice, and have discovered that yellow-furred
ones could withstand three times more agony than any others. Delia
and Norwich City this coming Saturday... do your worst!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Sunday 7th August
Dearie
dearie me. Yesterday's opening match against Luton was woeful, especially
having picked up The Sun and seen Simon Jordan's atonishing (and slightly
cringeworthy) boast of: "We will be champions - I guarantee you.
We have the best manager in the league in Iain Dowie and have signed
one of the best players [a reference to Andy Johnson's new contract].
We are not playing, we are serious." Well, Jordan was correct
in the first part of that final statement; Palace really didn't play
at all. Okay, we could (and should) have had two penalties, and Luton's
second goal was so offside that Stevie Wonder would have seen it,
but unless there's a hundred per cent improvement in just about every
area (maybe bar our wonderful goalie, Gabor Kiraly, who even saved
a first half penalty), mid-table medocrity is the best that can be
hoped for.
On a brighter note, hats off to former Palace and England star Geoff
Thomas. Though in remission for leukaemia, he recently raised £110,000
for charity by completing the Tour De France. What a remarkable achievement.
I type this hours after England's stunning last-gasp victory against
Australia in the Second Test. Winning by just two runs, it was a nail-biting
moment to savour. At the end of yesterday's play the Aussies had been
set a seemingly tricky target, but despite Shane 'The Wig' Warne stumbling
back onto his own stumps, England's bowlers just couldn't get the
final wicket. The Aussies slowly chipped away at the deficit, and
at one point were a mere boundary away from seizing victory from the
jaws of defeat. Then, staring down the barrel of miserable capitulation,
fast bowler Steve Harmison forced Michael Kasprowicz to glove the
ball to wicket-keeper Geraint Jones, and the nation erupted with joy.
Shove that on yer flamin' barbie, Bruce!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Saturday
6th August
It's
a good job that the missus went to the theatre with some friends last
night, as not even England's stirring display in the Second Test could
divert my mind for too long from the prospect of today - the opening
day of the football season. Palace versus Luton Town obviously doesn't
quite ring with the same glamour of an Arsenal or Liverpool fixture,
but this morning I'm still feeling like a nervous ten-year-old kid.
An excellent interview with Simon Jordan in the Guardian only heightened
the feeling. "There were some incidents with the Charlton guys
[on the final day of last season] which I'm not going to go into,
but they were very rude and quite happy we were relegated," revealed
the club's "re-energised" chairman, adding: "The Charlton
fans were morons. Their time will come, as it will for their directors
for the comments they made. They enjoyed our demise, but what goes
around, comes around."
Actually, I don't blame the Clowntown fans for celebrating Palace's
misfortune - how could I? I once consumed almost a full bottle of
Jagermeister in jubilation when Scumwall lost in the play-offs. It's
part and parcel of football. However, I stand by Jordan's vision for
the future; a re-built Selhurst Park and regular top-flight status.
Taking my two young lads with me on their first season tickets, I
certainly won't miss the exorbitant price of Premiership football
this year. Instead we'll savour the experience of being big dogs in
a very small kennel - the away trips to Plymouth and Hull will be
top drawer piss-ups - and hopefully have it all back again in 2006/2007.
Bouncebackability indeed.
_
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Thursday 4th August
Ain't
it funny how you take a decent sound for granted when attending a
concert? Enthused by their festival performance in Derby (see diary
July 30), last night I went to the Mean Fiddler to check out Blackfoot
again, and the guy at the desk completely ruined the experience. For
almost a third of the 80-minute show, Greg T Walker's bass swamped
the geetars of Charlie Hargrett and Bobby Barth, strangling the life
from what would otherwise have been a very enjoyable gig. The band
were having a ball and the turnout was healthy, but... sheesh... surely
the complaints of the punters could have been acted upon? The sound
was great for opening act Skinny Molly, who've apparently parted company
with guitarist Dave Hlubeck (according to whispers, he's actually
back with Molly Hatchet again). So the set concentrated on Skynyrd
classics ('What's Your Name', 'Gimme Three Steps', 'Call Me The Breeze',
'Saturday Night Special', 'Simple Man' and 'Sweet Home Alabama') and
a smattering of competent original tunes like 'Snakepit', 'Straight
Shooter' and 'Too Much'. The ethics of Skinny Molly's continued pilfering
of the Skynyrd catalogue - guitarist/vocalist Mike Estes played on
the legendary band's 'Endangered Species' album in 1994 and also on
the live 'Southern Knights' in '96 - are dubious at best, but I guess
you pays your money and takes your choice.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Tuesday 2nd August
I
was nervous about the 9am press conference that Palace had called
at the training ground. But thank Christ, it's official: Andrew
Johnson has signed a new five-year deal. As everyone knows, contracts
aren't worth the paper they're written on anymore, but if it keeps
him at Selhurst till the end of next season and we're promoted again
that'll be amazing news. And if we don't straight go up, few fans
will begrudge him his shot at the top flight with another club. Well
done, AJ. Besides notching 67 goals in under 130 games (CPFC's 11th
all-time most prolific hitman), you are a man of honour.
Also in the footie world - well, almost - I just learned that after
a mere 36 days in charge, Scumwall have relieved their new manager
of his position. Steve Claridge hadn't even taken charge of a competitive
game - unless you can call a match with Gillingham 'competitive'.
Nurse, please sew up my aching sides. Let's all laugh at Scumwall,
let's all laugh at Scumwall, la-la-la-la...
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